Sometimes a day like this occurs when I can't talk to anyone or don't know how to talk to those who are available to me and these days in particular I always find hard to manage emotionally. I find them distinctly different from times when you'd just rather engage in a one person activity because of this uncomfortable feeling of fatigue: you are too scatterbrain to put in effort into anything substantial but you also have no desire to play or watch anything. The raw feeling of being alive really creeps up on you and you just need to try and not booze away or just eat your emotions, which I end up doing sometimes these days.

I wonder if this is how everyone else feels or it's just my brain chemistry that gives me a hard time, perhaps it's an excuse to push all of your shortcomings on the fact that human brain is fundamentally flawed and you just need to fight harder, work smarter, be better, do something. Perhaps people who try hard are always surrounded by others so they never have to feel like this or even think about what they'd do if they had nothing to do but alas here I am.

I need to work more on this blog. I've been in sort of a slump with the one essay I was working on, I'll try to refocus and write more but I am not sure whether I should continue brute forcing what I've already started or explore other possible topics I've been interested in writing for. What do you think? I might ask around or even make a poll once I've compiled my ideas.

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