Dear diary, I need new shoes. I have flat feet so my soles wear off unevenly and it quickly makes them unusable. Anyway, the real theme of this journal will be Author vs. Herself.

When I first had an idea for a blog I thought I would be writing a lot, both in terms of journal entries and various miscellaneous things but when I was made aware of my own audience, I subconsciously changed my creative pacing and tone. I became somewhat nervous and self-conscious of what I put out there and it made me a little sad.

Obviously I do like being an entertainer; writing and publishing my previous works was fun and I am still proud of my efforts, however I can’t even quantify how much my performance anxiety has influenced me. It's terrifying, bone chilling even, to consider that somebody might read me sperg out and think to themselves, "this person is really lame and kinda dumb!" so I shielded myself. If I am making something nobody wants to see, I might as well not even bother publishing it so I have to stick to some marketability standard and simply be satisfied with being approachable and funny.

I became scared of complacency for a little while, but suddenly it dawned on me that realizing your own complacency is the only way to escape it. We evolve as people and creators and, for our art to evolve with us, we must make sure to always be challenging ourselves, both in skill and expression.

For me and I think for a lot of people the first challenge in achieving greater heights is taking a risk by opening up to the world and possibly looking foolish, which is why I am writing this entry. Before I can back out of a project, I want to set a precedent of unashamed sincerity and genuine effort with no cynicism or embarrassment, because a superficial work of art that does not come from the heart is very dull and boring. I want to make something that will be entertaining but something that will fulfil me and inspire people more and again.

This turned out pretty rambly. Bottom line is - you should definitely do something even if it makes you look kinda dumb and lame, because, chances are, you will look dumb and lame regardless of what you do. And if you are not a creative type: please try not to think that your friend is dumb and lame when they are! There are probably a dozen of intellectual properties that are some important part of you that wouldn’t have been made if the authors didn’t allow themselves to take it seriously.

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